Excerpt from "Dealing With A Shitty Hand"

As the anesthesiologist wipes my neck with an antiseptic wipe, I pull back slightly. The sudden cool moisture takes me off guard, making me jump. 

“Oh, sorry Devon. I should have warned you it would be cold,” replied the caring doctor but I say nothing.

Looking out past my out stretched legs, I watch the assistant draw up the Versed from a vial; just beyond my parents walk out of sight back to the waiting room of Vail Surgical Center. This medication would in essence make me not have a single care and wipe my mind clean of what was about to happen. The anesthesiologist continues to prep my neck and shoulder for the nerve block about to be implanted. 

As I watch the assistant flick the full syringe, clearing it of air bubbles, everything suddenly rushes down on me like the crash of an imploded build. Every emotion and feeling comes to light. Every compressed pain is suddenly felt and what is about to happen fully sets in. 

I begin crying. Slowly at first, then heavily. No sound is made, my face is blank, I do not blink, but tears fall from my eyes like an open faucet. Quickly my face and beard are wet, soaked from my falling tears. Not going unnoticed the Doctor quickly comes to my side. “Are you ok? Are you in pain?”

“I am ok. I am just really not looking forward to this.”

“You will do great Devon! You will be back to normal in no—.”

“Just give me the shot.” 

I cut him off as I let my head fall back, fully relaxing my body. I lay there, looking up at the ceiling seeing my future play out in the new altered way. The new Devon. Things will forever be different.

“Ok, Devon, here we go. You’ll feel some coolness in the IV then you should feel good.”

I don’t look up to watch him inject the medication into my IV. I feel the coolness. Then, slowly, so very slowly… nothing. I am pain free and feel nothing. Then; nothing. Black. Empty. Nothing.

 

 After two previously failed surgeries, my wrist was fully fused. Never to bend again being held by fusing bones, a titanium plate and eight screws. 

After two previously failed surgeries, my wrist was fully fused. Never to bend again being held by fusing bones, a titanium plate and eight screws.